Hello fellow Humans!
Today I’ve come to you to talk about something that just happened. I, like everyone out there, participate in online dating. About 3 weeks ago I met quite a nice guy who we shall call Greg. Greg was tall, cute, and found me attractive. As a bigger girl, this doesn’t happen all the time. Actually, very rarely does it happen. We talked for about a day and made a date to meet up a couple of days later. I did bring my roommate in case he was a serial killer or yet, boring, so I could feel secure or have an excuse. The ‘hang out’ seemed to go very well and after about 2 hours I feigned being tired so we could head for home. I did like him and was hoping for another date, but I was not ready when he kissed me outside the bar. My roommate had gone to fetch the car to leave us alone.
Ok, so here Is the context. I am a virgin. Not as virgin as you can get but pretty damn close. I have only ever kissed a guy. And I mean kissed a guy, not made out, just a 3 second kiss. I can’t say that this is because I am saving myself for marriage or anything religious, I’ve simply never really gotten around to losing my virginity. There were times that I think it might have happened, but I’ve valued myself too much to simply cast it aside like a worn out tank top. At 26, you don’t find many like yourself. Or I guess, any at all. Ok, background done. Back to the story.
He kissed me three times, differing lengths, nothing more than 3-4 seconds. You know what the worst part was? It wasn’t that I don’t think I was ready or that he didn’t ask if he could kiss me, it was that when he did, I felt nothing. Is that normal? I don’t think so. I didn’t feel an overwhelming want to see him again, but because of my inexperience I did want to see where it was going. If anything, maybe I would get to figure out what making out felt like. I was hoping that even though I didn’t feel anything right off the bat, it would come after getting to know him better. Unfortunately, the whole point of this piece is that I won’t.
While we had kept in touch since the initial connection, we had not met up again. Our schedules simply didn’t allow it. He was working, I was sick, and then he was out of town for a couple of days. Last night I texted him to let him know that I was free Tuesday and wondered if he wanted to see each other. This afternoon I received a text that read
“I’ve been thinking. I like you and would love to continue seeing you, but I think we may be on different levels sexually. I want to be with someone and be able to be physical with them from the start, and it sounds like you just aren’t there yet. It’s totals ok if that’s the case. I want both of us to find someone that we are comfortable with. J”
I was a bit taken a back when I received this. He had given no indication that my lack of experience was a deal breaker. We had talked about it and he seemed to be willing to work with me. I think that was the worst part. That he pretended to be something he wasn’t and that was patient. I would like to think that the man for me would be willing to take things slow and decide that my comfort was above his need for sex.
In the end, I don’t think we were soul mates or a true love match. He drank a bit too much for my liking and smoked pot a bit more than I think is normal. If he wasn’t ok with my background he should have been right up front about it. My virgin status has scared more than one potential away. Even though it seems to hinder more than help, I’m not in a rush to lose one of my longest friends. Just because I wasn’t willing to jump into bed with him from the get go, I was to be brushed off. But you know what? I would prefer to be brushed off then lose it to him. He obviously doesn’t deserve anything from me.
So, the moral of the story? I’m not completely sure…maybe that people have a habit of saying things that they don’t necessarily believe. For the record, never did I say that I didn’t want to be physical with him. He assumed I wouldn’t want to. And apparently he made an ass of him and myself. Thanks for listening lovelies, it’s been a hard day. May tomorrow be beautiful and much better than today.